“It’s funny how day by day nothing changes.
But when you look back, everything is different.”
Del Sol Valley Cameron Mansion
Laughter filled the room.
“Hey Letty, ya know why Frank wanted his cremated remains put in his favorite Bavarian beer mug? Because he wanted to be Frank-in-stein. HAHAHA!” Blaine snickered watching his wife’s reaction.
“Oh man, Blaine, that was painfully weak. If that joke were any more ‘dad’, it would be in the driveway checking my tire pressure!” laughed Scarlett Cameron.
“Well, made you laugh anyway …” chuckled Blaine.
Their three teenage kids had gone out with friends, but still the planned quiet, kidless evening was interrupted by the sound of the front door being slammed shut and noises in the foyer. Blaine told Scarlett to stay put while he went to check the situation out.
Loud shouting and stirring echoed off the walls and marble floors of the foyer at the Cameron Mansion as Blaine curiously walked in to find his youngest child, son Gavin, and Ezio Auditore, who was holding on to him.
“Ah – there you are! Is this one of yours!?” Auditore roared at Blaine while letting go of Gavin, who briefly rubbed his arm where the older man had held on to him, while Blaine crossed his arms before his chest.
“Yup, proudly claiming that fruit of my over-zealous loins. What about him? Assume you didn’t drag my kid in like this to scream in my lobby like a stuck pig to show me how amazed you are at his perfect genes? I also am not a fan of people manhandling my children!”
“I don’t care, Cameron! I found him in my daughter’s hotel room!”
“Oh? Which daughter of yours? Hopefully not the one my grandson is dating.”
“No, not Adrianna! My daughters are not hussies! The other one, the youngest, Bianca!”
“Oh, well then … all is tutti bene or however that goes in your language again … right? They’re about the same age …”
“Ah shit … Gavin!” Blaine shot a glare at his son, who tried to find explanatory words. In vain.
“I … I … we … it … but …”
“Stutter stutter squirm! Gavin, go up to your room and look for your vocabulary! You’re gonna need it later, when your mother and I are going to have a little chat with you. And by little chat I mean your mother will yell at you while I spank your ass so hard that it will glow in the dark!”
“But dad …”
“NOW, Romeo! Or I’ll give you wings better than any Red Bull could!”
Nodding, Gavin ran up the stairs.
“Look, Auditore, I am sorry, but they are teens, the hormones are revolting and … maybe you remember back from your own youth, back when the dinosaurs still roamed.”
“Save it! I am not in a joking mood! I’ll have my wife take Bianca to the gynecologist here, locally, since people know us in Tartosa and there would be talk. Pray that nothing happened! Nobody needs that!”
“I am sure they were just a little hot under the collar and … curious about each other’s anatomy. Cupping a lil feel here and there. Ya know, kids at play, just too old for toys so they play on each other. Probably totally harmless in a PG-15 Dora The Explorer kinda way.”
“I found an open package of male contraceptives!”
“A what now?”
“AN OPEN CONDOM WRAPPER, Cameron!”
“Oh shit! Guess they were planning on some more internal investigations on each other after all. Oh well, there you have it though. Played it safe, smart kids. All good.”
“Hardly! It was still IN the package!”
“Oh shit. I always told my boys to use a condom for sex. Maybe I should have been more specific and added that they had to also wear it. Whaddaya know.”
“I don’t find this funny in the slightest! I think you will seize laughing if it were to turn out that this little …. anatomy lesson had results! I expect you to do the right thing then.”
“And that would be? Naming the kid? If something really happened, I don’t have a rewind button either.”
“I am talking about marriage! Make an honest woman out of my daughter, who is still a minor!”
“Well, while I aim to please, I am already married. Too bad, so sad.”
“Not you, you joker! Your son!”
“Ahem … as you pointed out, they are both still minors … in other words, that ain’t happenin’! Don’t know the laws in the backwoods you hail from, but here, they need to be 18 or at least 16 to have both parents sign off on that shit, and even if Gavin were 16 already, my wife and I won’t be doing that, fo’ shizzle, mah friend.”
“Oh, but it will be happening! I will not have my little girl be soiled like this!”
“Jeeze Mafioso, it’s the 21st century, come and join us. People fuck, even young ones and people also have kids left and right without being married. No biggie. Of course, we’ll pay for the baby, and Gavin will be an involved dad, however that will pan out, considering we are not exactly neighbors. But we don’t even know if he knocked her up or not. Look, I think my son is the best thing since sliced bread, but even I know he probably needs more than one shot to sink the ship, especially for his first time. So chill the fuck out, will ya?”
“Chill out? Isn’t your son …. is he … does he …. have that … affliction that you have too?”
“What affliction? A big dick?!”
“You imbecile! The fangs. Vampire.”
“Ah, that. That ain’t no affliction, that’s a state of being, and yah, Gav is a vamp too. So? Now you got a problem with that too? Goddamn, man, how didcha make it to your ripe old age when everything annoys you to borderline heart attack levels? People in their 70s and 80s should be more careful.”
“I am 67 years old, thank you very much!”
“Oh fuck! Your ass is younger than me! I’d be 72 by now. Damn, good thing Letty turned me when she did.”
“If there were to be a child, wouldn’t that … I mean … what are the chances for it to be … vampire?”
“Ah, ’bout fifty fifty.”
“Oh mio dio!”
“Need a drink yet?”
“I can’t believe I am saying this, but yes, please.”
“Come on, grandpa, I’ll getcha hooked up. This way to the booze trough.” Blaine pointed to somewhere behind Ezio.
“Don’t even joke about that! The grandpa part.”
“You ARE a grandpa, aren’t ya? We both are, it’s fun as shit, you get to fuck them grandkids up and send them home with their parents to deal with as payback for all the crap they pulled on ya when they were younger. Besides, I said nothing probably happened. I’ll find out later, and I’ll let you know the details if you want.”
“No, thank you. Oh, good evening, Signora Cameron.” Ezio’s tone and demeanor changed as he now saw Scarlett join them in the foyer.
With a quick look at Blaine, she smiled back, allowed Ezio to kiss her hand, then all three of them went to the nearby living room, where Blaine poured the men a drink. He knew Scarlett didn’t like his favorite Bourbon.
“So, what’s going on here?” Scarlett smiled, her eyes suggesting the oddity of Ezio in their home.
While handing Auditore his drink, Blaine got Scarlett caught up, as nonchalantly as he could.
“Well, Cliff Notes version is, Auditore was so kind to bring Gavin back home after he walked in on him plowing Bianca. He had a condom, but instead of wearing it, he gave it front row seats to watch them get busy without it where it should be. The things kids do, am I right? Ha.”
Ezio coughed at the sip he was taking, Scarlett’s eyes grew wide.
“What? WHAT?! Oh, I am going to talk to our son!”
With that she rushed out.
“Oh boy, well Meatball, if I still have a son after the wifey is done with him, I am sure if worse comes to worst, he’ll do the right thing.”
By the time Blaine had Auditore calmed down, after four double Bourbons and a lot of calming banter, he went upstairs to check on the situation, where he ran into Scarlett in the hallway, she pulled him into their bedroom.
“Hmm … I like where this seems to be going …”
“Blaine, you hornball, focus! So, I talked to Gavin, the good news is that evidently, they were both curious, but both chickened out. Bianca pushed for them to do this, but when it came close to it, she started crying, so Gavin just held her and calmed her. In other words, while we came way too close for comfort, we don’t have to worry about Cameron Curses and such just yet. The bad news is that I REALLY need you to have a serious – I repeat – SERIOUS talk with your son, about waiting for the right time and all that good stuff. I told him all I could, but I think man to man would be better.”
“Yeah, well, I am actually gonna need to change my diaper first. Honestly, I wasn’t gonna let the old man see it, but I shit my breeches there for a moment. Can you imagine?”
“Oh, I CAN, which is why I am so much on edge. We don’t need that, Blaine. Not with Vivien and Liam splitting up AGAIN. One drama at a time, please!”